Chapter Text
Strewn across Izuku’s bedroom floor were a multitude of photocopied pages from The Creature Compendium, poorly proofread wikipedia articles, a few crude sketches and a list of ‘Must-Have Supplies’ for any aspiring monster hunter. Izuku, the self-proclaimed expert on all things monstrous, had reluctantly agreed to mentor Katsuki Bakugo. After all, Bakugo had insisted, “If a nerd like you can do it, it'll be piss easy for me.”
Katsuki had not, however, expected Izuku to be quite so thorough in his teachings. He expected a quick, no-nonsense training session—two or three days tops—before being handed a silver dagger and sent off to hunt werewolves. But instead, he found himself trapped in an obsessive crash course. The only thing he was fighting today was boredom, as Izuku droned on about memorising all 23 dukes of hell, “just in case they turn out to be real.”
“This one riding a camel is named Gremory,” Izuku explained with all the enthusiasm of a child showing off his toy collection. “I always remember it because it sounds like ‘Gregory,’ which is a pretty funny name for a- Kacchan, are you even listening?” He paused, noticing Katsuki's glazed-over eyes.
“No I’m not listening!” Katsuki snapped, “This sh*t is too boring! Auntie never said anything about learning the demonic caste system or whatever the f*ck this is!”
Izuku shrugged, unfazed. “I just think it’s safe to know this stuff. I mean, what if one day I get attacked by an eight-legged demon with three heads and command over 66 legions of hell?”
“And what WOULD you do, nerd?”
Izuku opened his mouth to reply, and left it hanging. “I… Hadn’t thought that far ahead. …Salt, I guess?”
“Salt works on all these f*cking things!”
“Not all of them!” Izuku shot back, his confidence growing. “But it’s helpful, you know? How do you expect to take out monsters if you don’t even know the difference between a boggle and a boggart?!”
“Trick question, asshole!” Bakugo smirked. “They’re the same thing!”
Izuku’s eyes lit up. “Hah! I did teach you something!”
“Well it’s pretty damn obvious,” Katsuki rolled his eyes, “They share the same root word, dumbass. It’s obviously derived from the Middle-English Bugge, which is a cognate of the German term word bögge. Anyone with ears could figure that sh*t out.” He finished, crossing his arms.
“... Alright, maybe we don’t really need to be working this hard on classifications,” Izuku admitted, dropping his pen in defeat. He stood there for a moment, deep in thought, before suddenly blurting out, “Okay! Fine! We’ll find a monster to hunt.”
“Finally!” Bakugo grinned, his excitement barely contained. “You better make it a good one, Deku. I ain’t wasting my time on small fry, you hear me?!”
After gathering up the scattered papers from the floor (because, as his mom always said, "a clean room is a happy room"), Izuku pulled his laptop out from his desk drawer, flipped it open and navigated to his go-to website for tracking down supernatural beasts.
“Youtube, really?” Katsuki deadpanned. “You’re meant to be finding monsters for me to beat up, not checking the stats on your neopets video essay.”
“How did you know about–” Izuku spun his head to look at Katsuki in shock, before realising he was joking. “Youtube is the best source of knowledge, you just have to know where to look.” he said, typing ‘Sen Kaibara’ into the search bar.
The channel loaded, revealing a boy around their age wearing a backwards baseball cap and bright red sunglasses, looking overly enthusiastic in every thumbnail. Each video featured Kaibara pointing dramatically at something in the background, with clickbait titles like “Is THIS the most HAUNTED sauna???” and “We spent TWO HOURS in Japan’s UGLIEST HOTEL.”
Katsuki squinted at the screen. “Who’s this asshole?” he asked, deliberately neutral so Izuku couldn’t tell if he was referring to him or the guy on the screen.
“I found his videos a few years ago,” Izuku began, waiting for the latest video to buffer. “They’re not exactly top-tier content, but the weird thing is, he has this bizarre knack for stumbling onto the supernatural. I don’t know how he does it—it’s super weird.”
As the video finally loaded, Kaibara’s face filled the screen with an energy way too intense for the close-up shot. “What’s up, Senners!” he yelled, his voice nearly blowing out the speakers.
Izuku paused the video. “He calls his viewers ‘Senners.’”
“Yeah. I got that.” Katsuki replied flatly.
The video resumed, showing Kaibara gesticulating wildly. “Today I’m investigating GHOST SIGHTINGS right here in Musutafu! You better get your big boy pants ready, ‘cause today we’re gonna get freaky!” As he spoke, airhorns and ghostly sound effects played in the background.
“Apparently, off-screen, he’s really subdued.” Izuku turned the volume down a notch. “The whole hyper persona is just an act.”
Katsuki rolled his eyes, already losing patience. “Can you just skip through this sh*t and get to the good stuff?”
Izuku skimmed through the video, the fast-forwarded images of Kaibara waving his hands around and sneaking around like a scooby-doo character whizzing past. Finally, he stopped at a point where Kaibara was inside a small shop, his voice dramatic and low.
“This is it Senners,” Kaibara said, manually operating the camera now. “We’re here at the Aldera Street Tool Store--”
“Hey! That’s just down the road from here!” Izuku excitedly claimed.
Katsuki forcefully jabbed at the spacebar, “Quit pausing the damn video!”
The video continued, Kaibara’s tone growing more ominous. “—where multiple people have reported seeing shadowy figures…”
“Finally,” Katsuki muttered, leaning in slightly. “Let’s see what this clown’s got.”
The camera panned around the dimly lit store, revealing rows of handheld tools, pots, kettles, umbrellas, and other assorted items, all bathed in eerie shadows.
“Maybe it would be less creepy if they turned the damn lights on,” Katsuki said, unimpressed.
Izuku waved a hand to shush him, “It’s part of the charm! But keep watching, this is usually where things start to get interesting.”
Kaibara continued to narrate in a spooky voice, “But are we going to see anyth- UH WOAH WHAT WAS THAT?!” The camera suddenly jerked, and the screen filled with static before cutting back to Kaibara, his face pale and eyes darting back and forth.
“Did you see thaaaat?” Kaibara hissed at the camera, his voice trembling. “Oh my god… Oh my god… I can’t believe it… Oh my god…” He kept repeating, clearly rattled.
“...The f*ck was that?!” Katsuki exclaimed, throwing his arms up in frustration. “There was nothing there!”
“What are you talking about?” Izuku asked, genuinely puzzled. “Did you really not see it?”
“See what?!”
Izuku rewound the video, slowing it down to a quarter speed. “Right… there! Did you see it?”
Katsuki leaned in closer to the screen, his eyes narrowing as he focused. “...That pot just moved.”
“Yeah, it did!” Izuku said, excitement bubbling in his voice. “See, I told you. He has a habit of stumbling on these things. It’s probably just a tsukumogami; they’re easy to deal with.”
“A what now?”
“A tsukumogami!” Izuku repeated, gesturing animatedly. He always loved talking about these things. “They’re spirits that inhabit old household objects, usually ones that have been neglected. That pot probably has a grudge because it hasn’t been used in years. Seeing Kaibara must have annoyed it a little, so it turned away from the camera.”
“So… we’re taking out a pissed off kettle?”
“We sure are!”
The Aldera Street Tool Store looked like a relic from a bygone age, a squat building nestled uncomfortably between two office buildings. Outside the front hung a faded sign, swinging lazily in the breeze, depicting a cobbler hard at work above the words "Since 2042" in weathered letters.
The polite young man he is, Izuku removed his hat as they entered, holding it neatly under his arm as he approached the elderly woman behind the counter. The impolite young man he is, Katsuki was the very picture of disrespect, hands shoved deep into his pockets, eyes darting around like he was casing the joint.
“Hello, ma'am,” Izuku addressed the woman, before she cut him off with an impatient tone.
“You're not one of them you-toopers are ya?!” She barked, pointing a finger at the two teens. “I've had it up to here!”
Izuku blinked, momentarily taken aback, but quickly regained his composure. “No ma'am, we're not from youtube,” he put an emphasis on the word, “My friend and I are actually collectors of rare items, and we heard you might have something of interest.”
Katsuki tilted his head back so it could've fallen off, and groaned. “Oh for crying out loud! Listen lady. One of your pots is haunted, we're here to sort it out for ya.”
“Hah!” The woman cackled with laughter, “Now you I like! Finally, someone who speaks straight. Yeah, I've got the damn thing in the back," she said, as if this was the most ordinary conversation in the world, jingling a set of keys as she moved toward a dusty door. "Collectors of fine objects…"
“What?” Katsuki said, seeing the expression on Izuku’s face. “Yeah I know, alright?! We can't let too many people know. But look at her, she's like a million years old!”
Izuku didn’t respond, but he shook his head slightly, stepping ahead of Katsuki to follow the elderly woman into the back of the store.
“They’re in here somewhere,” the woman said with a shrug, waving a hand at the jumbled mess. “That pesky spirit likes to hop around between items, so good luck finding it when it’s trying to hide. So, what’s the plan? Gonna chant something, wave a bit of sage around?”
“No, that shouldn’t be necessary,” Izuku replied calmly as he rummaged through his bag and pulled out a small whistle. “Tsukumogami have a need to feel useful, like they’re still needed. You just have to give them a purpose.”
With that, he blew the whistle, and it was as if a switch had flipped inside him. The polite, soft-spoken Izuku vanished, replaced by a figure brimming with authority. “Alright, you iron maggot!!” he barked, his voice sharp and commanding like a drill sergeant’s. “Out here right now, front and centre! Mission briefing, move it! Up and at ’em!!”
The room seemed to hold its breath. “I am WAITING, you copper-plated sack of tin!!” he roared, every word echoing with the power of an order that couldn’t be ignored.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, from a dusty shelf in the far corner, there came a faint clinking noise. All eyes turned to watch as a tarnished iron pot wobbled forward, its movements hesitant and unsteady. It teetered on the edge of the shelf before plunging to the floor with a loud metallic thud.
Izuku, Katsuki, and the old woman stared as it rolled awkwardly across the shop floor. It finally righted itself, clanked forward a few steps, and came to a halt, almost as though it were standing to attention like a nervous soldier on parade.
“Is that it?” Katsuki asked, clearly unimpressed. The pot looked ancient, battered, and covered in a patchwork of dents and scratches.
“You better believe it, Kacchan,” Izuku said as he strode over to the cookware, head held high and back ramrod straight. “Now, here’s what’s going to happen! You want work? I’ll give you work! I need to boil some potatoes, and YOU are going to make that happen!”
As he issued the commands, the room began to stir. The soft clinking of metal intensified, joined by the rustling of broom bristles and the clip-clopping of wooden objects. The sounds grew louder, echoing from every corner of the room as more and more household appliances sprang to life. Pots, pans, brooms, and even old wooden spoons tumbled and hopped off shelves, gathering in neat rows before Izuku like a tiny, clattering army.
“Um… Ma’am, did you know there was more than one?” Izuku asked, glancing over his shoulder. But the old woman had already hit the bricks, out the front door and halfway down the street.
“You’re on your own, boys!!” she yelled, not bothering to look back.
Izuku’s eyes widened in panic as more and more objects swarmed around them, clanking and rattling with a restless energy. “I didn’t think there was going to be this many!”
“Then what the hell do we do?!” Katsuki’s fists clenched tight as he scanned the room, the rising tide of animated cookware making the space feel increasingly claustrophobic.
Desperation mounting, the pair scrambled onto a nearby table, trying to stay clear of the chittering, clanking mass that was rapidly filling every inch of the floor. The once-quiet shop now filled with a chorus of pots, pans, and brooms all clamouring for attention.
“I don’t know!” admitted Izuku, his voice strained as he tried to keep his composure. “I thought I’d just have to convince the pot it was still useful and the spirit would move on!”
“You THOUGHT?! How many times have you done this?!”
“O-once or twice!” Izuku stammered as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I-I mean, I watched my dad do it once… it seemed easy enough…”
“YOU’VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE?!” Katsuki roared, his voice nearly drowned out by the deafening clamour of the possessed objects.
Izuku’s heart pounded in his chest as he tried to think. “Okay, okay, uh… let’s not panic… maybe we just need to give them all a job, something to do, and they’ll settle down?!”
“You better come up with something fast!” The objects inched closer.
Izuku lifted a shaking finger, “Okay you…you guys! You quit that now, everyone quiet down!”
Katsuki grabbed him by the arms and started shaking him “HAVE SOME DAMN AUTHORITY!” He yelled.
“I’m trying, I’m trying!” Izuku protested, his voice cracking under the pressure. “I’ve never dealt with this much at once!”
The cacophony of rattles and clangs grew louder, the objects pressing in on them, eager for direction. Izuku took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. He knew he had to get this right.
But before he could even open his mouth, Katsuki completely took over.
“ALRIGHT, YOU SHOWER OF sh*t, LISTEN UP!” He bellowed. “I’M ONLY GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE! YOU ARE GOING TO LINE UP IN AN ORDERLY FASHION AND FOLLOW ME! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”
The room fell into a stunned silence, the noise abruptly ceasing as the objects froze in place, terrified to disobey.
Slowly, almost sheepishly, the pots and pans began to shuffle into neat lines, the brooms and dustpans clattering into place behind them, Waiting for the next command. Katsuki’s presence was like a decorated military general, compelling even the most stubborn of cutlery to obey.
Izuku blinked in disbelief, his jaw hanging open slightly as he watched the once-chaotic horde transform into a disciplined unit.
“Well, damn,” Izuku muttered, half to himself. “That actually worked.”
Katsuki gave him a smug grin. “Sometimes you just gotta lay down the law, nerd. Now what’s next?”
Izuku, still processing what had just happened, slowly climbed down from the table. “Uh… right. Now that we’ve got their attention, we’re going to need to ask for their help.”
“Tell them, not me!” Katsuki shot him a look.
“A-alright! You’re right! Listen up everyone, we’re giving you all a mission!” Izuku said, addressing the crowd of cookware and cleaning supplies. “You’re going to help us clean up this store! Everything in its place, floors spotless, and… uh… Anything broken gets fixed! Got it?!”
A few pots clattered in what almost seemed like pot-language for an agreement, while a broom gave an enthusiastic sweep across the floor.
“You heard the man!” Katsuki snapped, “Move it! Move it! Move it!”
The effect was immediate, the objects springing into action without a second thought and with a surprise amount of efficiency. Brooms began sweeping up dust, pots and pans clattered around the store with dust rags in their handles, and the ancient iron pot from earlier rolled over to fix a faulty table leg. The chaos that had once been deafening now became a sight of total order, each item contributing to the task at hand.
Watching in awe as the shop transformed before his eyes, Izuku couldn’t believe it. “I can’t believe this is actually working…”
Katsuki scoffed, “Of course it’s working! What now?”
“I guess we just leave them to it?” Izuku shrugged, “Once they finish their work they should be able to move on peacefully. To… Kitchen heaven, or something.”
The two stood, watching their makeshift army perform their duties, before Katsuki nudged Izuku with his elbow. “Listen, nerd. Today didn’t… completely suck.”
“Kacchan!” Izuku gasped, shocked at the rare compliment.
“Hey!” Katsuki warned, his tone turning stern. “Don’t go telling anyone I said that, or I’ll blow your face off! Now let's get out of here before these things decide to unionise…”
Tucked up in bed, satisfied with a job well done, Izuku drifted off to sleep with a content smile on his face. He was so pleased with their success that he completely missed the kettle watching him through the window, its metal surface glinting ominously in the moonlight.
With a sudden, jerky motion, the kettle rolled away from the window and into the trees, disappearing into the night.
